Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Return to slender...

It's the time of year when the air is filled with the tinkling sound of resolutions being broken right left and centre.  I am feeling uber-smug at the moment because my decision to have a 'dry' January has so far held out for 15 days.  Yay me!  The Shah announced that he would join me.  Approximately 10 minutes later I heard the distinctive sound of a can being opened and the Shah wandered into the sitting room clutching a tinnie of Fosters.  Yes - he had already "forgotten" about it.  Hmm.

I am going to be well tested at the weekend though, because we will be celebrating a significant birthday for the Shah.

Unfortunately, he is the world's most difficult person to buy for so he has a motley assortment of gifts awaiting him including (drum roll please) a MANKINI!  Yes - a lime green one just like Borat wore in the eponymous film. And this - for the uninitiated or just plain unaware is what a mankini looks like:-

He'll love it.  Honest.

Son has written the label on this lovingly chosen gift which reads "Better get down the gym if you're going to carry this off, Dad."  Which brings me on to my next New Year's resolution - lose weight.  I don't need to shift much but I'd be happier if I were about half a stone lighter (7lbs or just over 3kg for my foreign friends who don't have any truck with this Imperial measurement nonsense).  Frankly, I'm hoping the lack of alcohol will sort it out.  I mean how crap can life be?  No drink and no food?  You're having a larf.

The Shah agreed that this would be a good idea and, once again, decided to join me (he has since been away on business and phoned every night from a different restaurant, so I'm not holding my breath).

Anyway, very soon we won't be able to afford food as we've realised we have to get the whole roof of Crap Cottage replaced which, knowing our luck, is going to cost zillions.  Just to cheer me up, the Shah produced this recently:-

I don't know if you can see what he inscribed into the top but yes, it's Crap Cottage Pie!!


28 comments:

  1. And you have to post the pic of the Shah wearing it :) I am currently not drinking alcohol during the week, making Fri, Sat & Sun my fave days of the week. Andrew decided he would join in, he went out for a drink with his friend last night, still he gave up alcohol on Monday :)

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    1. I don't usually drink during the week on the grounds that I would end up 18 stone if I did! However, by Thursday, I'm usually gagging. So far, the Shah has refused to wear the dreaded mankini, but he has threatened to streak through the house in it when we are least expecting it. Be afraid, be very afraid!

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    1. The pie is arguably much better than the mankini!

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  3. Oh woe for the roof! It should make the cottage a little less crap though, once finished?

    I have recently modified our diet to incorporate less meat and more veg, and I eat less bread too, plus more soup and smoothies, and I lost a kilo with no trouble, not that I was trying. I drink a glass of red wine a day for the polyphenols... :D

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    1. It's the one glass I have a problem with :) And as for the roof, we have a structural engineer coming to look at it next weekend to advise us, but I fear the worst. We've been patching it up for years :(

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  4. My husband has a significant birthday coming up in March and I have no idea what to get him. May have to consider random stuff such as mankini. He doesn't want a party as he is a grumpy old sod. I shall have one for my significant birthday in July instead.
    As the Shah can make dinner, I'd say he's a keeper, with or without his extra poundage.

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    1. Trish, get him a massage. Everyone loves a massage. :)

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    2. Oo-er missus - a massage! Why not? We ended up getting a load of random stuff for the Shah (who also refused a party on the grounds of being a miserable old sod too - they have so much in common!) so we just went out for a series of meals with whoever was around at the time - given our shifting population of children, girl/boy friends and strange Australian boys. All of which probably ended up costing more than a party would have done!

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  5. OOOh! It's those sentimental moments in families that really bring a tear to your eye..the man making dinner and taking time to write crap with the written spuds, that just makes it all worth while doesn't it? You must have an olde worlde cottage that people here lather over. We sold our two bedroom under the under the underground in London before the damp came through Titanic wise.

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    1. Of course since we sold it, its gone up five times (despite being underwater property) and jokes on us.

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    2. Hah! don't I know about house prices here Jody! We discovered the other day that we wouldn't be able to afford to buy back our cute little terraced cottage in a smart west London suburb that we left some years ago even if we wanted to. Crap Cottage is indeed an American's dream - late Georgian/early Victorian with beams and nooks all over the place. It is also falling down which take the gloss off it somewhat!

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    3. My friend just lost 30ibs by not drinking. Mind you I don't want to get into how much he drank. I always find after a few drinks too I eat loads esp when I'm out. That cheese plate? Yeah, that's gone

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    4. Argh - Gawd - me too! I don't think I've lost an ounce this month which has been really galling but that siren cheese is always calling....

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    5. Will lure you onto the buttered rocks of destruction

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    6. I love that! "the buttered rocks of destruction" Ace!

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    1. Really, Anya ? REALLY? I'm very worried about you....:'(

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  7. The perfect present for the difficult-to-buy- for man in my life, thanks for the tip, I've made a note! Happy birthday to the Shah

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    1. Thank you Jay - I will pass on the birthday wishes. Perhaps we should get the Shah, the Builder and Dougie together in mankinis....now there would be a sight....maybe not!

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    2. Oh my goodness I've just seen this, I think that would indeed be a sight, fit for a whole different style of blog!

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  8. looks delicious though....the pie that is!!!

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    1. I like a woman with a sense of humour!

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  9. We had a great party for Himself's big number birthday and since then every year he's spent the two months prior to birthday ranting about not wanting a party he really means it don't do it. So I don't.

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  10. Hello Fred and welcome! I didn't do a party for the Shah because he was supremely unbothered about having one, so I thought why half kill myself with stress when he couldn't care less. I'm all for taking people at face value!

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  11. P>S> CQ! It just cracks me up seeing the neon mankini on my side bar where you are. Something to look forward to in the morning

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  12. Haha Jody - I guess it will remain there until I get round to writing something more. Life is just like an explosion in a WTF factory at the moment and I haven't got headspace for it, unfortunately. I'll try and find another 'fetching' (as opposed to retching) photo for you next time! Xx ps as we were talking about Bruno Mars at the Super Bowl, we saw him Play London on his 28th birthday last year. Absolutely fantastic! And 16,000 people sang happy birthday to him too.

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    1. For 28 years old he seems to be so focused and mature and full of good stuff. Also can dance and sing at the same time which is more than can be said about most 'artists"

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Oh go on - say something for God's sake...