Sunday 1 September 2013

Texts and Rugs and Cinnamon Rolls

Gosh chums - where has the summer gone?  Not having been away (saving ourselves for a big holiday in October) I seem to have had very little R 'n R and a great deal of driving miles and miles and doing things for others and not much for myself.  There's been lots going on - we celebrated son's graduation with a very creditable 2:1 and his new job which he will start at the end of this month.  My mum turned 90. NINETY!  Amazing - especially considering some of her lifestyle choices. Ahem.

I have had a birthday (although not a significant one) and daughter has turned feral and has hardly been seen.  I wrote about her Ayia Napa activities here, following which she was home for a week before taking off again - back to Greece for a spot of island hopping with her two best friends. Nice to be rich, huh?  She got back at midnight the day before her A level results came out.  Having heard all about the holiday, we got to sleep at 2am and I was woken by her jumping on my bed at 7.30 shrieking "I got in! I got in!"  so, although we had no idea of her grades at that point, we knew that her first choice Uni had pushed the 'yes' button and she is onto her chosen Journalism course. Of course we're thrilled for her.  And for ourselves.  There's no doubt that we will miss her madly but, to be frank dear reader, if she stayed at home, one of us would die.  And anyone else who has lived with a teenage girl will know what I mean by that!

Which leads me on to the topic of this post.  Ah yes - a visit to Ikea was deemed necessary to stock her up with requisites for the great departure in a couple of weeks' time.  Naturally, she had been out the night before and was a wraith at 10am when I woke her.  It took almost 2 hours to get her out of the house, via some "like, really urgent" phone calls to a friend and friend's mother which involved a degree of arse covering on behalf of the friend and which I chose not to ask too closely about.

We live roughly half way between two branches of the Swedish superstore so we had the enviable choice of driving to the shithole that is Wembley or the shithole that is Croydon.  Whoop, whoop.  Several hours of crawling round motorways, dual carriageways and gyratory systems later, we landed up in the gorgeous environs of Wembley. Famous for its stadium and, er, its stadium.

Naturally, Ikea was mobbed - mainly by stressed-looking women and bored-looking 18 year olds whose answer to every question was the same.

Mother: Will you need cups and plates or are they provided?
Teen: Dunno
Mother:  Shall we get some of these towels?
Teen: Dunno
Mother:  Would you like one of those nice rugs?
Teen: Dunno
and on and on and on.  My own child seemed to have mastered the art of shopping with one hand whilst texting non stop with the other, pausing only to complain that "there is like NO signal down here".

I'm certain they pump something into the air in Ikea stores.  Why else would I ALWAYS find myself unable to resist about fifty quids' worth of tat?  Why do I trot round the Marketplace grabbing fistfuls of paper napkins, yet more glasses, mugs, kitchen knives, plants, and CANDLES, sodding stinking CANDLES that I could well do without?  It drives the Shah insane and I can understand why.

Yesterday, I exited £183 lighter.  A hundred and eighty three quid! FFS! And that was spent on what?  Well, it was spent on this:-


Doesn't look like much but doesn't everyone need two sets of fairy lights and a butterfly picture?
In the queue to pay, we got chatting to another lady whose daughter crossly accused her mother of not loving her as much as I love my girl on the grounds that I had bought so much more stuff.  I glumly suggested that she should take lessons in mother-conning from my daughter and the pair of them sniggered complicitly.

To add final insult to injury, it seems that Ikea no longer sells packets of cinnamon rolls, beloved of both children for years.  It's all the excuse I need not to go back for a very long time....

20 comments:

  1. "Tea Litis" is an adictive personality disorder brought on by the small of Swedish meatballs

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  2. And I have it in spades Rog. (Or should that be in Swedes?)

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  3. I think there is something piped into the air in that store...seeps into your subconscious and makes you buy things you already have at home.....and then you walk around bumping into other mothers with kids just about to go to uni and you all see each other buying duvets and knives and candles etc with a resigned look on your faces as if it is some perennial rite that has to take place....as if we have no choice and can't make them take the perfectly good stuff we already own .....and yes I've been there done that and worn the tshirt......

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    1. I do think girls are worse, Libby. Our son would have happily left home with a duvet under his arm had I not insisted on giving him a few necessities. Like soap. And food. Girls are expensive!

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  4. I've only been once as the nearest branch is the shithole that is Croydon. Can't believe there's so much stuff you don't know your need until you're in there. Imagine how much you SAVED! Best of British to your girl. She'll make a good journo, I'll bet :) xx

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    1. Thanksmformthengood wishes Anya - I'll pass them on. And yes, there's tons of stuff you never knew you needed nestling there waiting to trip you up!

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  5. Congrats to both your son and daughter - sounds like your daughter will be a great journo!! And Happy B-day to your Mum - maybe her longevity is because of her life choices! I will be thrilled if my kids get anywhere near those grades (or even in the single figures!) I had the pleasure of visiting Croydon Ikea and it was the most miserable afternoon of my life...but at least i guess i didn't have the horse-balls (to my knowledge)

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    1. I think Journalism will suit her very well. She's no shrinking violet (bet you never guessed!). If my mum's longevity is down to lifestyle choices, that must mean that she is pickled. There'll be no need for embalming when she pops her clogs!

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  6. Well done to both children, that's a great achievement. It's just starting to dawn on us how difficult the whole uni application/acceptance is going to be. The plus side has to be that I get a trip to Ikea doesn't it? (I've never been!)

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  7. Well done to both children, that's a great achievement. It's just starting to dawn on us how difficult the whole uni application/acceptance is going to be. The plus side has to be that I get a trip to Ikea doesn't it? (I've never been!)

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  8. Well done to both children, that's a great achievement. It's just starting to dawn on us how difficult the whole uni application/acceptance is going to be. The plus side has to be that I get a trip to Ikea doesn't it? (I've never been!)

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    1. Thanks Jay! The Uni thing is quite scary first time round. We were much better equipped to know what to do this time. Make sure you get plenty of support from the school - they're supposed to be the experts!

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    2. Ps - can't believe you've never been to Ikea! What a treat awaits you!

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  9. Congrats to both your kids for making it happen when they needed it. I'm just hoping my son will do the same this year when he sits his Bac... As to what he does afterwards, OMG!

    How brave of you to attack Ikea in the middle of the day, and how lucky your daughter was to get new stuff instead of going to the charity shop! :)

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    1. Thanks Sarah. Your son will no doubt be fine. They have a way of pulling it out of the hat and surprising you! I can only stomach Ikea in very small doses and the middle of the day definitely wasn't my Idea!

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  10. I was in IKEA sans son as he won't care what he goes to uni with & saw lots of mummy & uni child combos. I was close enough to hear a mummy say "will we get you some wine glasses?" and to see the bewildered look on sons face as he said "I don't drink wine" mummy continued "maybe a lady guest?" and cringing from son. To think Jack missed such grand entertainment! pah

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    1. Embarrassing boys is such good sport and so easy! I can just imagine his face - haha. Shame on Jack for leaving you to brave Ikea alone. My son refused point blank to go anywhere further than the local Tesco where he mooched around grunting miserably. 3 years later he returned home without any damn thing I'd bought him.

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  11. It's years since I've been to Ikea and I've still got a bag load of tea-lights.
    I'm dreading the Uni thing next summer. I keep telling myself I should prepare my son for life away from home and I suspect it will be a mad rush next September.
    Congrats to your son on his 2:1, your daughter on getting onto the course she wanted and your pickled mum on her birthday. And well done you for coping with it all. Bring on that holiday!

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    1. I've got one of those bags of tea-lights too. Also had it for years...

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  12. Thanks Trish! The Uni thing is a bit of a shock to the system but they're usually so ready to go by the time it comes round that you can wave them off with a happy heart. I took it as a sign that I'd done my job properly and we were ready to part company from each other. They soon realise how good home cooking and mum's washing machine is anyway so they do come back, never fear!

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