Monday, 16 July 2012

Hello, it's me!

If you walk through my living room to the tiny room that the Shah and I call an office but which is actually a cupboard with ideas above its station, you may hear an eerie rattling sound.  If you are brave enough to step through the door, the sound becomes louder.  Is it a death rattle?  Not quite.  Is it a rattlesnake? WTF?  This is suburban Surrey not feckin' Arizona, you plank.  Nay, it is the dusty bones of what once was a loved and cared-for Blog which has been left to rot, fed only the occasional lazy titbit of cartoons and the like.  I approach and poke it with a stick.  'Get up you idle sod!' I cry.  Blog looks at me with hatred in its eyes. 'Make me' it croaks.

Okay then.

So where was I?  God knows.  I seem to have lost the thread....the main reason for it is lack of time and total absence of energy - both of which have been caused by WORK.  Work has been all-consuming and life-sapping and has made me variously want to gnaw off my right leg so that I'd have a good excuse not to go in and, once there, to run at my colleagues with a pikestaff. But now it is the HOLIDAYS!  And I have been let out for a bit.  Huzzah!

So woss been garn on? NB - I have to write it like this because of a long-ago conversation with my children whom I caught watching Eastenders.  I grabbed the remote to change the channel to something more suitable like er, The Simpsons, ahem.  They moaned and whined and asked why I had a downer on 'stenders. 

"Because," I replied, "the script consists of 'Woss garn on?  We need to tawk' and that's all anyone ever says."  At that precise God-given moment (and I swear this is true), someone burst out of a house and ran across Albert Square, hotly pursued by Phil Mitchell who said- guess what?  Yes - the magic line.  I rest my case m'lud.

In other news, regular readers may have noticed a lack of slagging-off of the Shah lately.  This is because I am a sand widow and the Shah has been packed off to Kuwait to work at 3 days notice.  

Me: KUWAIT?  Are you having a larf?  Why there and why you?
Shah:  They can't find anyone else who's willing to go.
Me: FFS!
Shah:  (employs his famous catchphrase) It'll be fine....

At least he's got a company car...
One other cause for excitement recently has been that my boy turned 20.  Twenty!  FECKIN' TWENTY!!!  How the hell did that happen?  Where have the last 20 years and nine months since I gazed on a positive pregnancy test in disbelief gone to?  One minute he was like this:

then I blinked and he had grown into this...

I feel old....

And lastly, the 17 year old has passed her driving test.  God help us all.  The novelty has yet to wear off and she is out and about more than she is home.

I may have need of these shortly...


  1. Oh dear god! So there I was scrolling down your blog post, and suddenly... I can't say this... I'm not allowed to...I wouldn't be allowed back and all... but OMG your son is incredibly good looking!

    See what I did there? See how wrong it sounds???

    1. Hah Macy! Don't worry about it. I won't tell if you don't. Unfortunately, this puts you firmly in the category of Cougar - but I agree - he is a bit of a gorgeous beastie. And he will kill me for this....

  2. Hey welcome back ...and Macy needs to sit down and fan herself in a ladylike manner to regain her composure! You have a lovely lad there its true....and how lucky you are to have long holidays now......but shame there will be no Shah to share them with....I agree about 'stenders.....I used to watch it but I am going to go cold turkey and give up all the really is too short isnt it....and having a daughter driving is quite useful....ours picked us up from the airport! I still worry about her being on the road though....I suppose we never really relax as mothers do we?

    1. Thank you Libby and I'm packaging up the Bromide to send to Macy as we speak! Us, I worry about them both driving although collecting drunken parents late at a night is a useful side effect! As for soaps, I maintain my loyalty to Corrie (it's my Northern roots) but I agree with you about the soaps!

  3. Oooh what a lovely lad! Well, young man. Well done for steering him through his teens!

    My mother used to watch Eastenders, indeed I did too until I left the country, but she stopped because she said it got too silly. There are only so many storylines that make sense, I suppose.

    I hope you get to relax on holiday and recover from work.

    1. He's a lovely lad now, sure enough although it's fair to say that we had the odd hairy time during the teenage years. I love how you congratulate me for seeing him through - that comes from the heart!!

  4. I got all excited when I started to browse my google reader and found you sitting there. Doesn't matter if people have breaks in blogging, keeps things fresh. You'll see bugger all from me for a fortnight very soon.

    And, oh my, what a gorgeous young man with fabulous teeth!

    Shame about the Shah in the desert but I'm'll be fine.

    1. Bless your Trish - how sweet of you to get excited to see li'l ol' me showing up again! And even if you do go quiet for a couple of weeks, you'll make up for it later with a fab travel report. As for the teeth - many years of brace-wearing have had the desired effect. Gawd bless the NHS!!

  5. Great to have a good old catch up. What a fantastic looking kid! Yes - and the teeth!!!! American parents would pay thousands to get their kids teeth like that. Think what you've saved on good genes! Congratulations. You are way ahead of me and good to hear from a parent on the "other side." Welcome back!!!!

  6. Welcome back yourself Jody! Anytime you need succour and shelter from the teenage hordes in future years, you know where to come! I am sufficiently scarred as to be able to recall the full horrors of parenting teens for many years to come!


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