Sunday, 27 May 2012

The further adventures of the Ginger Ninja or how to get a teenager to tidy up

This is Paddy.  
You may recognise him as he is perched in his favourite flowerpot on the right, so you probably see him whenever you visit.  I am a cat person.  I do like dogs but I can’t bear all that incessant walking in the rain/sleet/snow, the necessity to bathe them regularly or have your house and furniture stink and the ever-present, unconditional devotion is a bit of a pisser too, TBH.  And there is no-one and nothing on this earth whose turds I wish to scoop out of the garden.

Nope – give me a cat any day.  I like a bit of haughty indifference – a bit of “well, I can take you or leave you” and a few snooty looks.  The thing I don't enjoy about cats is the hunter-gatherer instinct.  I have written about this before here and there have been many times when Paddy has brought all manner of disgusting wildlife into the house – some of it alive and some of it rather mangled.  I still haven’t quite found the product that successfully gets rodent blood out of carpets.

Now that you have met Paddy, let me introduce you to these:-

These are my daughter’s Doc Martin’s.  They are the real deal and I shuddered and swallowed hard as I coughed up over £90 for them a few weeks ago.  I’m trying to look at it on a cost-per-wear basis as they will last for decades. (They’d better).  And lo, she brought them home and the Shah did laugh and rant and call her “Like Minnie Mouse” and she did hit him hard.

Now daughter is inclined to come home and kick off her footwear, leaving it wherever it falls.  When I got sick of falling over these giant boots, I instructed her to leave them at the bottom of the stairs where they would be out of the way.  This worked well for a while until I realised the fatal flaw in this plan.

The bottom of the stairs is, basically, the killing fields.  Don't ask me why Paddy likes to bring wildlife in and ritually slaughter it under the coats hanging there, but he does and it’s not uncommon to find a neat little pile of guts waiting there for us.  So, one morning recently, it felt odd to wake up without Paddy on the bed or nearby.  He is always around in the mornings as he is ruled by his stomach.  I shambled along to the top of the stairs and this is what I saw:-
 A quick call out to the Shah ensued (it being a blue job to rid the house of all rodents, living or dead).  He very grumpily lumbered along and took the offending boot out into the garden and shook it out, depositing a little field mouse in a flower bed whilst I distracted Paddy with some of these 
which he loves more than life itself.

So far so good.  The Shah and I sniggeringly came to an agreement that we wouldn’t say anything to the daughter as we knew she would be less than impressed (understatement of the century) to think that there had been any kind of wildlife sheltering in her boot, probably crapping itself with fear.  Paddy worked the innocent look:-

That all went fine.  Until yesterday.  I took some pictures of Paddy being daft in the garden and the daughter grabbed my phone to look through them...

Daughter: (flicks through pictures) Oh bless Paddy!  Look at him, he's such a sweetheart!  Hey - what’s this? (brandishes phone under my nose)
Me (weakly): Um a picture of Paddy admiring your boots...?
Me: (Trying to hide laughter and failing) um probably...
(stamps up the stairs, is not seen again for some hours).

Me:  Result!  Thanks Paddy. (showers cat with extra treats)


  1. Oh lord that's gross but so very effective.

    1. Sorry Trish, it is rather gross. I've got so used to the local wildlife being brought indoors that it doesn't bother me too much any more!

  2. Paddy looks very strokeable (sp?)......pity he brings in 'gifts', but then thats what they do isn't it....we have had a couple of tiny birds delivered to us by our cats this weekend and it breaks my heart everytime. I know not everyone will countenance second hand but I got those boots for my daughter in a charidee shop...already worn in and softened up...and when her friend remarked that someone with a foot infection could have worn them before, I pointed out that the shoes and boots in shops were also tried on by library books I guess, people have touched them before you....

    1. Paddy is a lovely cat - really affectionate and I think the picture demonstrates how patient he is too! Luckily, some weeks passed before the teenager found out about the mouse incident, and she had already worn the boots several times so there was no danger of her refusing to put them on again!

  3. Paddy has not only gorgeous green eyes and a beautiful coat - to rival the Kardashians- but also a personality that bests the Kardashians. He needs his own reality show I say. Agree with you about smelly, poopy dogs...our smelly poopy one is right here beside me....

  4. But Jody I'm sure your beautiful little Teddy only poos rose-scented golden nuggets? He looks angelic enough! Paddy is somewhat rougher but a lot of fun. Love the Kardashian idea - maybe we could go for a name change. how about Kat?


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