Sunday, 7 March 2010

Mummy, Mummy...

One of those idle conversations you routinely have over lunch with your colleagues happened the other day, and it revealed a weakness for those “Mummy, mummy...” jokes that were around about thirty (gulp) years ago. They took us all back a few years and, in the interests of disgusting everyone else, here is a selection of the ones we could remember....

Mummy mummy, can I lick the bowl?
No, flush it like everyone else

Mummy mummy,can I play with grandma?
No, you've dug her up three times today

Mummy Mummy what's for dinner?
Shut up and get back in the oven

Mummy Mummy, I hate my sister's guts.
Well, leave them on the side of your plate then.

Mummy Mummy why do I keep running round in circles?
Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor

Mummy mummy can I have a spoon?
What do you want a spoon for?
The dogs been sick and my sister’s getting all the big bits.

Mummy Mummy Am I really a vampire?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots

Mummy mummy, I don't understand this book
Shut up, nobody said reading Braille with your stump would be easy

Mummy, Mummy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?
Shut up and eat your meat loaf

Mummy, Mummy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes

Mummy, Mummy Grandpa's going out
Well throw some more petrol on him then.

Mummy, Mummy Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Shut up son, you'll wake your father.

Mummy, Mummy Why is Daddy staggering round the garden?
Shut up and reload

Mummy, Mummy It's cold and dark and damp down here.
Shut up or I'll flush it again.

Mummy, Mummy Can I play in the sandpit?
Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

Mummy, Mummy Daddy fell into the bonfire
Shut up and get the barbecue sauce

Mummy, Mummy I like my brother very much.
All right, you can have another slice

Mummy, Mummy! I don't want to go to Australia
Shut up and keep swimming

Happy memories!

I fully expect to get arrested for this.

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