Hello, it's me!

If you walk through my living room to the tiny room that the Shah and I call an office but which is actually a cupboard with ideas above its station, you may hear an eerie rattling sound.  If you are brave enough to step through the door, the sound becomes louder.  Is it a death rattle?  Not quite.  Is it a rattlesnake? WTF?  This is suburban Surrey not feckin' Arizona, you plank.  Nay, it is the dusty bones of what once was a loved and cared-for Blog which has been left to rot, fed only the occasional lazy titbit of cartoons and the like.  I approach and poke it with a stick.  'Get up you idle sod!' I cry.  Blog looks at me with hatred in its eyes. 'Make me' it croaks.


Okay then.


So where was I?  God knows.  I seem to have lost the thread....the main reason for it is lack of time and total absence of energy - both of which have been caused by WORK.  Work has been all-consuming and life-sapping and has made me variously want to gnaw off my right leg so that I'd have a good excuse not to go in and, once there, to run at my colleagues with a pikestaff. But now it is the HOLIDAYS!  And I have been let out for a bit.  Huzzah!


So woss been garn on? NB - I have to write it like this because of a long-ago conversation with my children whom I caught watching Eastenders.  I grabbed the remote to change the channel to something more suitable like er, The Simpsons, ahem.  They moaned and whined and asked why I had a downer on 'stenders. 


"Because," I replied, "the script consists of 'Woss garn on?  We need to tawk' and that's all anyone ever says."  At that precise God-given moment (and I swear this is true), someone burst out of a house and ran across Albert Square, hotly pursued by Phil Mitchell who said- guess what?  Yes - the magic line.  I rest my case m'lud.


In other news, regular readers may have noticed a lack of slagging-off of the Shah lately.  This is because I am a sand widow and the Shah has been packed off to Kuwait to work at 3 days notice.  


Me: KUWAIT?  Are you having a larf?  Why there and why you?
Shah:  They can't find anyone else who's willing to go.
Me: FFS!
Shah:  (employs his famous catchphrase) It'll be fine....

At least he's got a company car...

One other cause for excitement recently has been that my boy turned 20.  Twenty!  FECKIN' TWENTY!!!  How the hell did that happen?  Where have the last 20 years and nine months since I gazed on a positive pregnancy test in disbelief gone to?  One minute he was like this:

then I blinked and he had grown into this...

I feel old....


And lastly, the 17 year old has passed her driving test.  God help us all.  The novelty has yet to wear off and she is out and about more than she is home.


I may have need of these shortly...