Through a glass darkly...

...or Cider with Rosé.

I realise my blogging has been pretty lax of late and I have kept going with the odd cartoon or photo nicked from someone else.  It’s not that there’s been nothing to write about – far from it – there’s been SO much going on that I just haven’t had time to put fingertip to keyboard for ages and then I’m so knackered by daily life that I’m generally falling asleep on the sofa by 9pm which doesn’t help either.

Anyway – I’m going back to half term and a ‘works outing’ (I love that phrase).  Some bright spark (you SMH!) thought it would be a great idea to go to the Ice Bar in London.  For the uninitiated, this is um, a bar made of ice. 

You book a time slot (you only get 40 mins or so) and some nice boys chuck a huge cape over your head which has padded gloves on strings hanging through the arms – just like your first day at Primary School (well okay then – my  first day at Primary School).  Once inside, the price of entry includes a free cocktail which gets served in a shot glass made or er, ice, natch.  It looks like this...

Nice drinky, don't hurt me...

So what could possibly go wrong?  Nothing – as long as you follow these rules:-

1. When booked into the Ice Bar for a certain time, do not turn up an hour early.  They are sneaky down the Ice Bar and charge around a tenner for a bottle of wine early doors and then double the price (for the same Chateau Vinaigre) after about 7.30.  This means you will feel obliged to order massive quantities of Rosé which you then slug back on an empty stomach.  It was just about mild enough to sit outside although “drinking to keep warm” was also a popular option.  Mind you, I don’t know why the temperature worried us – most of us have our hormones to keep us warm.
2. If you are eating at the Ice Bar afterwards (and the food was actually very good) do not feel the need to demolish ALL the Rosé before you go in.  They will take it to your table for you.  But they don’t tell you that until you have demolished ALL the Rosé – sneaky on two counts – one that you have to then order more Rosé at double the cost because, by the time you emerge it’s gone past the witching hour and two, you are so, ahem, tipsy by the time you go in, you think ordering a second cocktail is a fantastic idea.
3. Once in the Ice Bar, do not a)lose your shot glass b)drop it on the floor and watch it shatter into a thousand pieces c)lick it so that your tongue sticks to it or d)put it down on a wet patch and watch it freeze solid to that surface.  If you do, and you then want a second cocktail, they will charge you a fiver for the second shot glass.  That is £5 for some frozen water.
4. On emerging from the Ice Bar and entering the Restaurant, do not order another ocean of wine which you then consume rapidly, via a series of toasts – each one more hysterically funny than the last.  What is also funny is that I can’t recall a single one of them.
5. When you live 5 minutes’ walk from the station do not arrive home so plastered that you friend’s husband has to come out and rescue you all and drive you home.  This is especially true when he has to be up at 4.30a.m. for a shift at the airport.  He was amazingly good natured about it.  I think.
6. Do not arrive home arsey drunk and then pick a fight with your husband  over why he has not washed up the cat’s bowl.

The famous Moose-Zebra

And the equally famous Moose-Dog

 It was a fantastic night – one of those that will live on in the memory despite the shocking hangover the next day...more of which later.