Regular readers will already know that the Shah has, for some months, been working in Kuwait - from where he is allowed home for a measly two and a half days per fortnight. He's just been home for the weekend and was mightily huffy to discover that life goes on and I needed him to chop some wood and do a few blue jobs, not lie about arse-resting all day, watching the Ryder Cup and alternately cheering and swearing.
He also had to do his expenses and that led to more cursing about the expense of life in the land of sand, although petrol is an astonishing 8p per gallon or thereabouts. YES! you read that right 8p per feckin' gallon! After all, they just dig it out of the ground and bung it in the cars, pretty much.
So we got to discussing our financial situation and how we could improve it. It was a fairly short conversation. And it did nothing at all, nix, nada to improve the Shah's mood.
Then I had a brainwave!
Meet Cecil Chao Sze-tsung:
He also had to do his expenses and that led to more cursing about the expense of life in the land of sand, although petrol is an astonishing 8p per gallon or thereabouts. YES! you read that right 8p per feckin' gallon! After all, they just dig it out of the ground and bung it in the cars, pretty much.
So we got to discussing our financial situation and how we could improve it. It was a fairly short conversation. And it did nothing at all, nix, nada to improve the Shah's mood.
Then I had a brainwave!
Meet Cecil Chao Sze-tsung:
Mr Chao is a Chinese billionaire of rampant heterosexuality. So rampant that he claims to have slept with 10,000 women. A fact which just goes to prove that love is regularly tripped up by its guide dog. Mr Chao and his over-active trouser snake have taken exception to his daughter's lesbianism and her recent marriage to her long-term girlfriend. In fact, he is so incensed that he has offered a reward of some £40million to the man who can seduce her and "turn" her. Oh and he'd quite like a male heir as well, if that could be slotted in, if you'll pardon the expression.
"There you go, Shah" I announced. "It's the answer to all our problems and every man's dream, surely - turning a lezzer?" The Shah looks vaguely interested but somewhat suspicious of my motives at the same time.
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| Gigi Chao and wife |
"Look," I continued, "it says here ‘I don’t mind whether he is rich or poor – the important thing is that he is generous and kind-hearted,’ - you can always pretend that bit," I added helpfully. The Shah narrowed his eyes.
"Take one for the team!" I implored. "There's 40 million smackers at stake here - are you a man or a louse? Anyway, you'd better get on with it because apparently offers are pouring in from all over the globe. And it might be nice if you could have a shave first." The Shah treated my idea with the contempt it deserved and stamped off upstairs to pack his case for the return journey.
The funny thing is that, when I dropped him at Terminal 5 last night, I could have sworn he headed off in the direction of the Hong Kong desk...
All the money in the world and he still acts like an ass........the billionaire not the shah! and surely if the shah is working in Kuwait you must be making amazing money....or else why go? ps I don't even like sport yet I got caught up in the Ryder cup golf over the w/e.....
ReplyDeleteThe Shah is perfectly capable of behaving like an ass too Libby, although maybe not on this occasion! Sadly he is not making megabucks - he's been sent out there by the UK company he works for, so he is just getting his UK salary :-(
DeleteA lovely twist on the poor little me left all alone story - like Libby I hope he's making lots of money in Kuwait. As I started reading I was immediately thinking of military couples who have to carry on when appart and find being together, re-deviding the chores, difficult to say the least.
ReplyDeleteDo let us know if the Shah succeeds with Mr Chao's daughter...
To be honest, HF, I think I might be able to put my objections aside for £40million. Maybe...
DeleteI suppose he was hoping to be treated like the return of the prodigal husband and fussed over and spoilt. Haha! Life goes on and there's always stuff to do.
ReplyDeleteNot sure why he pooh poohed your brilliant idea though...
It's a no brainer, isn't it? Can't think why he would have any objections at all and yes "life goes on" was exactly what I said to him!
DeleteAny bloke that dresses up his toy dogs (and OK we have a toy dog too, but respect here) in those ridiculous outfits is not to be trusted on any subject.
ReplyDeleteWise words, Jody!
DeleteWell £40million is £40million, I could turn a blind eye for that amount - whereabouts did you say we apply?!!
ReplyDeleteI see we're on the same wavelength, Jay. Sorry, but I think the Shah has a head start on you!
ReplyDeleteI know this is slightly off topic, but I do like the phrase 'arse-resting'. Have never thought to put those words together like that but I may well do in the future.
ReplyDeleteIs the bloke with the dogs the same person as the one above? Or is he actually the daughter??
Arse-resting is a phrase which has been in use for aeons in our family and perfectly describes the Shah's attitude to down time as his backside rarely leaves the sofa. I think the daughter is on the right in the second photo and the other person holding a dog is her, er wife...
ReplyDelete